Life @ MBA Part 1 (Pre-MBA phase)

This is one topic on which I wanted to write since long. In this part I will write about my experience before I joined XIM.

I will start from a year before I joined XIMB. I was the so called "engineer" not quite sure what to do in life when I reached my 4th year.

Option1- M tech

Noooooooooo! Two more years doing the same thing.. Well couldn't bear the idea :\

Option2- "Software engineer"

Well is a good back up and I was placed in Infy but no one i guess, if had any other choice would go for this choice.

Option 3- MBA

Well my papa was actually very interested in this and even though I was not sure I went along with the big junta who went for the evening IMS classes, talked at length about the mocks for the whole sunday and surfed pagalguy frequently. Well it was also a kind of fun for me as I got a break from same tasting topics I used to read in engineering. So this seemed the best choice to me of the three. Another reason which made me choose this option was that in my third year I had given the free mock test of IMS and had unexpectedly got good score so I thought maybe I should give it a shot.

But that is not the end to it. Its not the MBA part which attracted me really. It was rather like going back to old times, solving the similar type of quant problems as my school maths, solving the DI questions etc which I liked. I gave all the mocks religiously but I won't say it was with energy or passion. My scores went from high to abysmally low to medium to good. It had become pretty frustrating and disappointing in between.I would come after the mock , see pagalguy, curse the guys who would have got a pretty good score by my standard and would have written "OMG! I screwed it all blah blah n I won't clear cutoffs." I would sit there for an hour or two with my mother repeatedly calling me to have my food. Sometimes the results would be okay and sometimes disappointing. Nevertheless I went on that way and then came November.

CAT din't go very good. I kind of panicked to see the uneven distribution with more weightage given to English. Missed out some easy DI sets. Anyways a different story. XAT was also not so good. Well the examination story will require another blog so will write in short here. After a few more similar debacles I had lost all hopes of doing MBA that year for I didn't have the patience or energy to stretch it any longer. I remember there was a day when I was very very depressed and I had stopped talking to everyone. I was sad because I felt as if I had failed my parents. Well I had a conversation with papa that night and felt a bit good as he was very supportive. Then miraculously, in a day or two XIMB was out with its list and like a small ray of hope I saw the healing words "Congratulations ! you have been selected for the next round of GDPI". The only downside was I had just managed to slip in by .05 percentile and that would ultimately affect my overall score. nevertheless I decided to give it my best shot 'coz nothing to lose. I also got a call from IMT -G which I had applied after the CAT scores were out and IMT extended deadline (was stupid enough not to have applied to any any college separately which used CAT score). Then again started another phase of preparation for GDPI in IMS. Again ups and downs started with me constantly doubting how to make it with the paltry score. Infact there was guy from XIMB , 2nd yr, who had come to take our GD PI sessions and had said me flatly that there is not even .5 % chance that "I with my confused thoughts can ever make it to XIMB". Well I won't say it was ok, but Iwas really very sad after that. Somehow I integrated myself back and then GDPI happened finally. GD was okay, PI was good .Thank god the panel asked me maths questions and it was good. Then was the time for results. The seat increase story will require another blog altogether...nevertheless it increased and I was finally selected into XIMB. When I got the news I felt really great not because I was to do MBA but because I had proved many people wrong and more because papa was really happy on my selection. Mummy was happy because I could stay in Bhubaneswar near them :\.

And then I entered XIMB where a new chapter of my life has begun. More about it in the next part :).

Utopia

My eyes looks and looks into the limits of the horizon, fathoming the empty lands all around. I see a variety of trees .. some flowering and some with fruits.I enjoy the flowers from a distance for they are to be admired and admired and just that. The fruits I am scared to eat for I don't know what it will do to me as I don't know them for sure..I go back to my safety haven, the big banyan tree, where I take rest when the sun is too harsh. I start walking again. I try to pick small flowers on the way but ouch! have got pricked many a times so I am way to careful now.I see many people around ..but Alas! Why cant they hear me ? Is my voice too soft or is there no medium through which sound waves can travel.. Nonetheless faint voices keep coming to me from somewhere or the other.I still move on and on, singing some tune to myself at times or simply look around exploring places. When suddenly some sweet fragrance catches my imagination, I block them fast for I know that it might be from the carnivorous pitcher plant. A moment of pleasure can result in a prolonged pain. Control your senses rather then them controlling you. Cynical, I guess ... But thats the only defense I know! I feel exhausted of the long tiring journey and I want to sleep for a while. But how can I take a peaceful nap in an unknown place I am not sure of..so i keep moving till I can locate some familiarity and security. Moreover, the vice called 'greed' also takes over me at times which pushes me to find something still better. But thats not the only reason of why I am still moving... I am moving because of the hope that someday even I will find my 'Utopia'.

Ignorance is bliss

The wind blew over my face as I stood looking at the dwarfed structures everywhere. Moving lights, curvious roads, people going people coming. As my hairs meshed up on my face I was not sure which thought I was going through. There was anger, sorrow, excitement and sorrow again. Why can't I just fill my lungs with this cool wind and take a dive. Why aren't answers as simple as questions? Why can't things be as simple as they look? The deep emptiness resurfaced in me , my thoughts provoking me towards newer challenges. Certain things are beyond reasoning, explanations and of course, control. Stones melt and water freeze...I had no choice but to melt under forces unknown..but what now? Where do I store myself in? Did I melt too quickly before I had found a way to avoid flowing away? When actions defy common sense and is beyond any reasoning or logic how do you counter them? I could see a seamless view containing an array of varied objects. The most complicated of all creations on earth-man! Man spent time , resources and what not to create those vehicles, cars, bikes , the tall buildings, the tall and majestic communication towers etc. But his inside is still elusive to him. Falls as a weak being when it comes to those unknown forces originating within him. I took a step forward and Whoa! I was at the edge, the heights dizzying... but an experience inexplicable.Everything so simple and obvious but yet so complex. All answers right there but yet to be picked like an epiphany.I took a deep breath and in a short while was back to my defensive, preserving self. They truly say "Ignorance is Bliss".

There are times when you just want to run away...run run run n never look back at whats happening behind you.You are clueless why something is happening around you.Your thoughts are passing like sweeping images like you are traveling in a train. Or maybe you feel like landing in an island and taking a dive in the vast blue sea , go to the depth of ocean and inhibit there.Time seems to be slipping away like smooth white sand running from a closed fist. But you have no choice but to stick up.You maybe crumbling from inside but outside you gotta present the integrated you.You maybe screaming from inside but outside you talk in the most pleasant and convincing voice.Your reasoning fails you when you try to comprehend the situation.I only wish I could break free fly away into the blue clear sky like a small bird , hoping around ,dangling and swinging on a loose hung branch, in a beautiful forest full of flowers and trees, with spring cool breeze blowing around and bringing along with a new gush of fresh air which would wash away the old lingering smell around in the ambiance.