That moment when you leave your nest to create another

I stood with quivering lips, looking at everyone’s faces which felt surreal, with my mind not being able to register a thing. As I stood holding the grains I looked around my house… the place where I blackmailed people with my high pitched emotional dramas to do things my way, the place where I dumped my daily use stuff without caring for where it landed, the place where I spent evenings lazily without caring for what I would have for dinner, the place where I stored my junks collected from zillions of years ago, the place where I stored my special food stuff away from my sister, who would otherwise finish it off, if placed in open, the place where I tried millions of food experiments with my sister as the guinea pig…and as I kept looking around, I started walking to the door mechanically...Silent tears rolled my cheeks and I knew this was it. I made it to the door and I threw all the grains back. The feeling was mixed, the anxiety of a new future, the sorrow of what you leave behind, the prospect of a new person’s entry to your life, the angst of a new family having expectations on you for no logical reason your mind can think of… The feeling is like the transfer of ‘ownership’, from one hand to another. This transition, from girlhood to womanhood happens in a few hours and you know a phase of your life is over, passed by your eyes before you knew it.  

Myriad Hues

Intoxicated in thy wine redeemed by euphoria

Drink to me ones more for extrication to oblivion;

Captivated in rapt in the tranquil of thine gaze

Dazzled or blind, a sceptic I be!

Hallowed gallows or obscured hallways I know not

For thine mystic ablaze!

In the magnificence of glow a humble peasant I be

From prince to pauper I effete ignorant;

In lost time I tick

In lost space I live

Sold by self, held by hunch

Floating in myriad hues of spectacle unknown

Rechristened by cogence though weaved by magic

Mocks my sanity and smirks at my frailty;

When silence dims sound

And conviction obscures perception

Logic loses and irrationality wins!

Titillating between spiralling dungeons and expanse of meadows

The extremes of the circle I seek to find

The contrast of dark when placed aside ray

For vision to restore costs more in light

The key to the source parted to twin

The more I stretch the more its afar

And lost in illusions I eternally be

The “Postman Theory”

Last Saturday, I was sitting and enjoying my evening tea. The weather was breezy and I was viewing the beautiful winter sunset as I was sipping my tea. It was then that I got a phone call from an office colleague who informed me that he got a new job with almost double the salary of what he was getting and would be joining from the next month.  As adults we are tuned to camouflaging our actual thoughts on various issues. So as expected I shrieked with excitement at the “wonderful” news and congratulated him. We had a chat on the times we had spent bashing our manager, strategising our office works etc. By the time our conversation ended, I realized I was going into a terrible mood slump. “How did this happen?” “How come I am stuck here when all my friends are going so fast with their life?” ...

As these thoughts started flooding me I thought of going online for a while to take my mind off. I opened my Facebook hoping for some respite. As I logged in, I found my page filled with happy pictures of my friends some of who were getting married, some who were holidaying abroad etc. As I checked the pictures, I realized I had never been so sad before. I immediately closed my laptop and fell flat on my bed running my life events like a bio scope. Then I convinced myself, putting all blame on fate and that good things never happen to me. Everything happened in a span of one hour. Just an hour ago, I was in the best of my moods, optimistic and happy about what life had to offer me and after one hour,my mood was the exact opposite. I suddenly wished I had no network connectivity. I could have at least enjoyed my Saturday evening. So who is to blame for spoiling my mood that day?

BSNL for providing me with connectivity?

 Nokia for providing me a mobile way of staying in touch with acquaintances?

My colleague for giving me the news?

His new company for recruiting him?

I myself for not having tried that myself?

But analysing each ‘accused’ again, how can I blame BSNL or Nokia for that is its basic property for which I myself choose to use it. How can I blame my colleague for sharing his happiness with me. Blaming the company would be ridiculous for it doesn’t even know of my existence. Now the only option left is I myself. But I would never want to spoil my own mood!! Then what went wrong? Yet again, what if I had tried that myself? There is no guarantee that this would not have happened there as well. So back to square one..its fate to be blamed. But seriously!!! Who is this fate and what has he/she got against me? Why is it screwing with my life?

I don’t know who this fate is but now I know how it works. This is where my postman theory comes in.

Except me everyone in the world is a postman chosen by fate to deliver me a message. The same holds true for everyone! Can I be angry on the postman for delivering me a bad news? Or can I be pleased with the postman for giving me a good news or making me happy. They are just postmen delivering me a message. But who sends me this message? Of course its fate!! But who is fate? Maybe we don’t have to know that now. It’s the message that we have to deal with and understand, to decipher it to know its hidden meanings.   Fate delivered me a message which evoked the feeling of jealousy and frustration in me. Absolutely speaking, there’s nothing wrong in my life but I did the mistake of linking it to an external source whom I mistook to be a person just like me and got angry on him.

The solution is simple, understanding that happiness is absolute and not relative. If we know that postmen are not part of our life and they are just messengers we will never feel angry on them for giving us bad news. They cannot make us happy or sad. If happiness is sourced from within and as long as we stick to this source, no message from some external source can make us sad.

Cell

A special cell it is

And the inmate obscure

The inmate tied to the cell like one needs the other

With who owns who yet to be discovered

The inmate plays the game

The cell creates the stage

With lights, sounds its own

When audience applauds the inmate thinks it won

The cell expands craving for more

The stage just got bigger and the cell demands more

Dances to the tunes played by the cell

But the play has a schedule and a time to end

The play ends and starts a new one

The inmate forgot to find the door

All it had to do was stop and look

Look within for that gleam of light

To the door called freedom

From the cell called body!